wildflower favors
our leis from hawaii
I loved our wedding reception… friends, a yummy cake & lots of time to be excited that “oh my gosh, we’re married!”
flower balls from the ceiling
fun music
yummy cake
sweet drinks
wonderful friends
ready to leave 
i love autumn. i adore october, hot cider, cool nights, thick books, thunderstorms, back to school, oranges, reds, yellows, sweaters, leaves, & all the other things that go with autumn.
today i decided that one of the reasons i like autumn is because by the time october rolls around i finally have time to catch my breath! august always kicks my butt- i don’t know why i ever think it will be different. my mum has been teaching on & off since the 70′s & still get stressed! last year i wasn’t worried at all- it was going to be my 3rd year at the charter school. i knew my kids and my classes- things were set, life was good. little did i know! this year i have a new school, a completely new job with more & different responsibilities, and… well, i’m a little overwhelmed.
i’m so incredibly excited to finally be in the library and out of the regular classroom. i’m terrified to work in an elementary school (so many munchkins!) but thrilled about picture books & early readers. i’m terrified of my administrative tasks & budgets but passionate about book selection, programming, & flex scheduling. i’m really excited to see what He has in store for me this year. and where this all leads… if i can only make it through august!
We just returned from our annual trek to the beach. It was all the things the beach is supposed to be: casual, warm, and refreshing with a jimmy buffet-like soundtrack. I needed all those things this year. The day before we left I decided to flip my car 1 and 1/2 times off the side of 67/167 into a ditch. I’m fine, but my brand new first purchase little blue car did not survive. So now I’m home, sharing a vehicle with mom and bumming rides from friends. The car search begins tomorrow, and something I thought was completely taken care of is once again up in the air.
While we were at the beach I read Brennan Manning’s “The Importance of Being Foolish.” This is one of the most convicting books I’ve ever read. One of the things Manning points out is how our flesh longs for instant security. We want all of our ducks in a row, nice and polished, never acknowledging that they aren’t our ducks to being with!!! I think part of me really saw this car purchase as me reaching a place of financial security-where I wouldn’t have to worry anymore. I wasn’t trusting, I knew the numbers in my account added up. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with owning a car. I’m planning on buying one this week, but I think my motives were selfish. I don’t think I was utilizing the resources God gave me in a way that would minister most effectively. Overall, I think I saw my car as tangible evidence of my self-made security and as a source of pride and pleasure. I’m going into this second purchase realizing that God provides for all my needs, even transportation, that it is His to give and His to take away, and that my joy is found in His heart, not in things. Leave it me to have to learn the hard way once again…
Christmas was really good this year. traditions kept- like eating red lobster with the o’quinns after candlelight service & watching “the muppet christmas carol” with zach. we made christmas cookies and a pan of fudge for zach. we lit advent candles & cajoled zach into playing some hymns. we sat & opened presents, one by one, with oohs & ahs.
i think my favorite gift this year has to be my new turntable. i can’t wait to hear some of my old stuff playing a on a decent machine with speakers that aren’t 30 years old. i also got a tilly & the walls cd with is my current musical obsession. they have a tap dancer as their percussionist for goodness sake!
ps. i got 10 inches cut off my hair this morning.
but this is so what he’s getting for christmas!
they’re bandaids shaped like breakfast foods
pets with a plant
and charlie brown’s christmas tree
a sock monkey that resembles mr. t
I say it EVERY year, but Autumn is so transitional & amazing that it completely overwhelms me some days. This year there is so much going on; my little brother at college, me moving back in with my family, possibly moving back to their church, plugging away at grad school, finding peace with an un-peaceful job, looking towards a new career, and yet still excited about one and a half more years in Arkansas.
My OCD need to “know” that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing is being met more & more by assurance that I am in His will. I’m not sure what this means, if only that I am slowly understanding that God’s will for my life and my priorities don’t always match up. I would love to have everything laid out; grad school, husband, career, family, and all the way down to a nice little retirement in the country or by a lake. I’ve made a million lists of how to accomplish these things & others, checking them off one by one.
But He is much more concerned with my heart.
And while the things I want to do can be found within His will and can be used for His glory, they aren’t His priority and so oh-so-very slowly they are unbecoming mine.
I saw the David Crowder*Band in concert last night. They always bless my heart & focus me in a time of praise. They are good people who love the Lord & His people. Plus tall awkward people with fun hair make me smile.
I think that part of the problem is my inability to realize that there will always be something. i will always be busy. i will always be distracted. there will be always be a new book telling me exactly how to live so i won’t be busy and distracted. and i will always be too tired to read it.
ive been rereading some of the things i read last year at this time. during what i have lovingly called my “kinda-quarter-life-crisis” i read book about being twentysomething, books about being single, books about loving jesus, books about graduate school, books about careers, books about moving to downtown philly and sleeping outside, books about growing up. books that were good because they gave me ideas, concepts to distill in the murky waters of my brain.
a year has passed and supposedly i have become wiser. i have picked a graduate path. i have continued in my career. i have stayed in arkansas and am enjoying all that it has to offer. but im still restless. i think part of my problem is my inability to realize there will always be something. i was not made to be complete in this lifetime. that is the most frustrating thought for me. i like plans, preferably with a graph or chart, showing exactly how to move from point A to point B. life, at least mine, doesn’t seem to be set up that way. c.s.lewis concluded, rightly i think, that if there was a desire in himself that was not fulfilled in this world than he must have been made for another. i think part of my problem is that there will always be something that gets in the way, something that needs to be resolved, something that is endangering my heart, just something to deal with.
there are the typical signs of fall: pretty folliage, the cool crisp air, the delicious smell of burning leaves, and my mum flipping through catalogs ordering sweaters.
i have another of course; school days finally settling down, feeling routine, means it’s fall.
they havent settled yet.
im not sure who or what to blame. maybe my own selfish desire to get my masters degree in 2 years. maybe the 200 new students at my school. maybe having a new boss for the 3rd year in a row. maybe teaching a PE class (im not joking). maybe all of these things combined have finally pushed me over.
em & i started a new bible study this week. it’s on overcoming stresss and worry. this weeks chapter was on scattered lives & i have never felt that more strongly. my life feels scattered. and maybe covered and diced and all those other options you get at ihop.
ive clung to the ditty bops and our memory verse this week. both seem to help a little.
“A prayer of one overwhelmed with trouble, pouring out problems before the Lord. Lord, hear my prayer! Listen to my plea! Don’t turn away from me in my time of distress. Bend down your ear and answer me quickly when I call to you, for my days disappear like smoke.” Psalm 102:1-3
this has been such an odd summer. working every once in awhile. starting grad school (which i love!). going to the beach. and waiting to find out if i have a job. i didnt know whether or not id be employed until the middle of july. the day after i committed to going back to charter i got a phone call from another school. im excited about going back. ive read alot this summer. ive soaked up a bunch of ed theory and reading strategies. im still not sure what grades im teaching or even what subjects! i know i get to teach latin of course. but im excited. and thats reassuring because last year was so “blah.” so one more week before i go back and 2 more weeks before i see kids! summer never lasts long.
