I think that part of the problem is my inability to realize that there will always be something. i will always be busy. i will always be distracted. there will be always be a new book telling me exactly how to live so i won’t be busy and distracted. and i will always be too tired to read it.
ive been rereading some of the things i read last year at this time. during what i have lovingly called my “kinda-quarter-life-crisis” i read book about being twentysomething, books about being single, books about loving jesus, books about graduate school, books about careers, books about moving to downtown philly and sleeping outside, books about growing up. books that were good because they gave me ideas, concepts to distill in the murky waters of my brain.
a year has passed and supposedly i have become wiser. i have picked a graduate path. i have continued in my career. i have stayed in arkansas and am enjoying all that it has to offer. but im still restless. i think part of my problem is my inability to realize there will always be something. i was not made to be complete in this lifetime. that is the most frustrating thought for me. i like plans, preferably with a graph or chart, showing exactly how to move from point A to point B. life, at least mine, doesn’t seem to be set up that way. c.s.lewis concluded, rightly i think, that if there was a desire in himself that was not fulfilled in this world than he must have been made for another. i think part of my problem is that there will always be something that gets in the way, something that needs to be resolved, something that is endangering my heart, just something to deal with.
