is it always like this in august? July 28, 2007

i love autumn. i adore october, hot cider, cool nights, thick books, thunderstorms, back to school, oranges, reds, yellows, sweaters, leaves, & all the other things that go with autumn.

today i decided that one of the reasons i like autumn is because by the time october rolls around i finally have time to catch my breath! august always kicks my butt- i don’t know why i ever think it will be different. my mum has been teaching on & off since the 70′s & still get stressed! last year i wasn’t worried at all- it was going to be my 3rd year at the charter school. i knew my kids and my classes- things were set, life was good. little did i know! this year i have a new school, a completely new job with more & different responsibilities, and… well, i’m a little overwhelmed.

i’m so incredibly excited to finally be in the library and out of the regular classroom. i’m terrified to work in an elementary school (so many munchkins!) but thrilled about picture books & early readers. i’m terrified of my administrative tasks & budgets but passionate about book selection, programming, & flex scheduling. i’m really excited to see what He has in store for me this year. and where this all leads… if i can only make it through august!

summer days… July 20, 2007

We just returned from our annual trek to the beach.  It was all the things the beach is supposed to be: casual, warm, and refreshing with a jimmy buffet-like soundtrack.  I needed all those things this year. The day before we left I decided to flip my car 1 and 1/2 times off the side of 67/167 into a ditch. I’m  fine, but my brand new first purchase little blue car did not survive. So now I’m home, sharing a vehicle with mom and bumming rides from friends. The car search begins tomorrow, and something I thought was completely taken care of is once again up in the air.

While we were at the beach I read Brennan Manning’s “The Importance of Being Foolish.” This is one of the most convicting books I’ve ever read. One of the things Manning points out is how our flesh longs for instant security. We want all of our ducks in a row, nice and polished, never acknowledging that they aren’t our ducks to being with!!! I think part of me really saw this car purchase as me reaching a place of financial security-where I wouldn’t have to worry anymore. I wasn’t trusting, I knew the numbers in my account added up. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with owning a car. I’m planning on buying one this week, but I think my motives were selfish. I don’t think I was utilizing the resources God gave me in a way that would minister most effectively. Overall, I think I saw my car as tangible evidence of my self-made security and as a source of pride and pleasure.  I’m going into this second purchase realizing that God provides for all my  needs, even transportation, that it is His to give and His to take away, and that my joy is found in His heart, not in things.  Leave it me to have to learn the hard way once again…